CHAPTER 4: LET IT GO

Dear Grace, 

The sun is setting a little later this month, so we stole the hour after daycare to go for a walk along the water. I always find doing something outside after daycare fills our cup. I asked if you wanted to go for a bike ride or a walk in your pram, you're always tired after daycare, so you said you wanted to go in the pram. 

As we walked, I played the Frozen soundtrack and you ate crackers and sang the whole way down the boulevarde. You sang quietly in the dramatic parts and screamed at the top of your lungs for the big notes. "Let it gooooooooo". Unahamedly screaming your heart out. 

Everyone walking by could not help but smile, you were gleefully happy, not a care in the world. The feeling of pure hapiness was palpable and contagious. I looked on in awe that you could still be that way knowing that one day you'll be too self concious to do that. Knowing one day when you're an adult, doing that will no longer be socially acceptable. What a sad realisation. 

Being an adult started for me at a young age. I don't know why, maybe it was the curse of the big sister, the feeling that I had to look after myself or maybe I was so contientious by nature that I assumed my adult like attitude on my own. 

We also play different roles in life and in relationships. With your Dad, I was the less serious one, constantly reminding him to let go and see the positive in life. In other relationships when someone is more carefree,  I instanslty assume the role of being the responsible one. Like I have to Ying the Yang,  Yang the Ying - why can't I just be like the others?

The older I have gotten the more serious I seem to be taking myself. Why can't I also 'let it go' and have a laugh, be light hearted, sing at the top of my lungs? When did that stop happening and why did I start being the awkward one when it does?

I'm going to make an effort to stop showing you what being stoic looks like and try to let little moments of silly and fun creep into our lives. For you my girl, but also - for me. 


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