Chapter 7: Absence Makes The Heart Grow, Guilty.
Dear Grace, Every few weeks theres 3-4 days when you go to your Dads house, and I feel guilty about everything. I feel guilty about breaking up the family, and not being able to see you. I feel guilty that you are forced to live in two worlds all the time. I feel guilty that you are not here with me feeling vulnerable and loved. I feel guilty that I am spending so much time with just me, and not being a Mum. All of these feelings are raw and real and I push them down deep becuase I know it's not healthy to live my life dripping in guilt. But I need to unpack a few of them so I can manage the weekend without you. I am blown away by the way my brain rewires itself when I have time to spend in my own head. I am able to revisit so much of what I cared about in my 20's. Building a life of purpose, discovering my core values and analysing who I am and why. It's majorly self indulgent for a Mum to persue these thoughts, they feel so self-involved, self-important. I guess